physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
