Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Boobs are out for the taking
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
