Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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