Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
