You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
