aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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