apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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