Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
