i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
