Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize