Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
