You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
