Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
