I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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