He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
