Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
