she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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