i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize