I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
