i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
