Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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