I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
