you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
