____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I smell stomach acid.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
