Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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