At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
