I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
