im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
