I showed him my bush... on skype.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
