I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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