What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
