dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
