his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
