i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
