Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
