I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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