I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
