I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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