Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
