One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
