can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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