doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
