I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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