He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
