When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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