and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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