Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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