yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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