Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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