He felt like a one man threesome
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
