I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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