I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
