if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I believe in your delicious
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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