Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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