I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
