Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
