I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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