They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize