Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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