I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
