Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
