after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
