I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
