I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize