I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
no you cant smoke seaweed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
