you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
