I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize