I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
