Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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