my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
