Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
