You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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