went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
