a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
