Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
third nipple confirmed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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