Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
