fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
