I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
