i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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