I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
