isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
