i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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