We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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