My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
