I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
