The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize