he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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