Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
