What a fucking waste of an outfit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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