at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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