dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
