Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
