if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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