oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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