Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You pole danced in your parka.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
