lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
