I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
