So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
