Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
