I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
