even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
