I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
