Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize