nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
